The Fulfillment Card

Every so often, especially when I’m having a hard time hearing myself or understanding my circumstances, I will pull a card or two from one of my guidance/message decks.  I’ve found that it helps me get out of my own way and gain a new perspective on whatever is bothering me.  It helps me get out of my rut thinking.

One particular rut I’ve been stuck in is what I want to write about, and so I thought maybe I would pull a card and write about that.  The card I drew for this purpose is entitled, “Fulfillment”.  Hmm.  That sounds promising.  Let’s dig in.

[Looking for the card in the book to read the meaning.]

Ah, ok.  So it’s considered a nourishment card.  I’ve been getting a lot of cards from this category lately, so that in itself is a message.  I’m in need of nourishment.  Noted.  The PRESENT CHALLENGE that this card represents is:

Finding lasting nourishment from your involvement with others and your living environment.

[Reading the first two paragraphs in the book and contemplating.]

Ok, it’s saying that I’m living and working in ways that are failing to nourish me.  That I may be so focused and worried about my relationships (check), future (check), or self worth (check) to such a degree that I’m no longer drawing love and fulfillment from my environment.  To prevent myself from crashing and burning from this behavior, I need to get more in touch with my environment through the use of all of my senses.

Wow.  Guilty as charged.  On top of over-thinking about those things, having moved to a foreign country, everything about my environment is new.  And while that’s exciting when you’re on vacation for a couple of weeks, after a couple of months of relentless unfamiliarity, it becomes a source of exhaustion.  So yeah, I can see why I’ve disconnected to some degree from my environment.  This is some pretty sound advice and definitely what I needed to know.

Further in the message it mentions how it can affect a person’s life when the rational mind has become too dominant.  It can lead to feelings of being alone, misunderstood, unloved, and even to addictive behaviors.  The solution to addiction is through involvement in life.  Through experiencing and participating in life without needing to change it.  When you can do that, then you are able to accept the genuine nourishment that life has to offer.

The book said it so much more eloquently than that, but I think I at least captured the essence of what it was trying to say.

But think about that, ‘when the rational mind has become too dominant’.  How easy is it to let that happen without even intending to?  You get caught up in taking care of this, or that.  Or you get caught up in your own thoughts and worries about any number of things.  Without even knowing it you’ve trailed off into the realm of rational mind and stopped paying attention to bodily sensations or even losing touch with what you’re doing it all for.

For me it leads to what my authentic self values which leads to self integrity.  I have to be in touch with what it is that I truly value and whether I’m making decisions that support those values or takes away from them.  The tricky part is that in order for it to work, I can’t try to fool myself.  I can’t just say I value something and then pretend to be valuing or appreciating it when that’s not really what I’m doing.

Here’s a weird example.  Let’s say I value my cats (which I do).  So I make sure they have plenty of food and water, a litter box, a place to sharpen their claws, toys, and take them to the vets regularly for checkups, etc.

Now.  Let’s also say that I’m super busy with life in general and I just don’t have time for their shenanigans such as when they walk all over my keyboard, or their requests for sitting on my lap, or just attention from me in general.  You know, because I’m busy thinking, planning, doing, etc.  I always mean to set some time aside to show them some love, but darnit if there isn’t always something else that needs to be taken care of.

So I may be saying I value them and I may even believe that I’m showing my appreciation for them by what I do for them, but if I’m not actually connecting to them or taking time out to give them my full and undivided attention on a regular basis . . . then I’m not actually valuing them and they will feel that and respond accordingly by being more obnoxious and less obedient.  They get upset and then somewhere in me I’m also upset and feeling neglected because I’m like, ‘Hey! I LOVE kitty cuddle time, why aren’t you letting me have that?’

It’s a lose/lose situation.  And yet, here I am doing it.  That’s what this card is pointing to (not the cat situation specifically) in my life.  It’s like, hey dummy, in the mayhem of everything, you kind of lost touch with what is actually important to you and are totally focused on things that are taking you further away from where you really want to be.

And it’s true, so that’s fair.

Moving forward I need to be more aware that I’m doing this and start paying better attention.  I need to get out of my head and more into my body and life.  I need to hold myself more responsible for living a life that is more aligned to what I really value and being less wasteful.

That is all, thanks for stopping by!

branch berries